How Many Lawyer Jokes Are There?
Have you heard and made many lawyer jokes yourself? If so, they are sure to bring smiles.
These jokes may be intended as self-deprecating; however, they can also be detrimental and dehumanizing of those they target; taking away dignity that all should have; something especially applicable for lawyers.
What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
Money, power and women are three staples that a lawyer cannot go without: these things never seem enough for them. Lawyers are notoriously difficult to please. Their behavior often ranges from greedy, dishonesty and lack of shamefulness – often being accused of stealing funds from their clients as well as lying blatantly about it! Furthermore, these individuals tend to get in trouble with the law frequently as well as tending to make poor choices which ultimately cost them dear.
An attorney dies and finds himself standing at the back of an enormous queue in heaven. Every now and then, St Peter glances down, until suddenly noticing one standing behind. Jumping down from his pedestal he races down until reaching him and embraces him before instructing the lawyer to bring two other lawyers over as well.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
After your death, leeches stop feeding off of you while lawyers stop charging for their time.
One day, a lawyer fell asleep behind the wheel of his car. When approached by a police officer for assistance, they suggested they wake up and review their legal papers before falling back asleep again.
Saint Peter greets both individuals at the pearly gates of Heaven and inquires as to their vocations, asking, for example: The lawyer replies that he is an attorney while Saint Peter points out that vultures don’t get frequent flyer miles as often; you are obviously both lawyers! “Okay,” replied the lawyer “I’ll stick with my practice.” Again congratulating them both and offering some wise counsel:
What’s the difference between a goose and a duck?
Lawyer jokes have long been an integral part of dark humor, used to lighten the atmosphere at work environments or break ice when meeting new people. Lawyers themselves sometimes employ these humorous anecdotes during presentations or speeches in order to add some flare.
A newly graduated attorney begins working in her father’s law firm with great trepidation; however, an old partner advises her to relax and breathe deep.
Two attorneys are deliberating over a dime. While one argues it should be worthless, another believes otherwise. They agree to divide it evenly, each taking half.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
Like parrots and blondes, heartless and cynical lawyers are common characters in jokes. Even attorneys themselves use self-deprecating humor about themselves and the legal profession as a way of lightening up workdays and adding some comic relief.
One day in an obscure corner of a distant country, a man enters a small curio shop to look for odd or interesting items. After looking through some items on display he notices an impressive bronze statue of a rat that immediately draws his eye and inquires with its owner how much it costs.
Two tigers were stalking each other through the dark jungle when one reached out with its tongue to lick his predecessor’s butt, drawing their attention away from each other and toward an encounter with other prey. At that moment, one reached back out his tongue with its poison-tipped fangs to touch butt of another tiger in front of him; immediately turning around, warning “Don’t do that again!” before returning with an apology and continuing their trek together.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vacuum cleaner?
Lawyer jokes often poke fun at lawyers themselves or the legal profession as a whole, while lawyers themselves may use humor about themselves and their careers to lighten the atmosphere during talks or presentations.
The primary difference between an attorney and a vacuum cleaner is compensation for his services.
What can sperm and lawyers share in common? Both can drag out cases for years at a time.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One needs to climb and shake the ladder while a third needs to sue its manufacturer – three lawyers altogether for such a task! Unfortunately, lawyers are known as cold, heartless creatures who care only about making money and power. Also they’re notoriously known for long hours.
